i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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