Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
