i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
