You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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