Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
