i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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