what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
