STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
