I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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