just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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