I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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