Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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