Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
