Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
