Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
