I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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