This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
