So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
