so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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