dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
