tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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