I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
