Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
