How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
