Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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