The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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