saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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