I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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