After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
