well I can't set my house on fire every night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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