He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
