the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
