i think my mom watched the whole time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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