Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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