I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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