I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This house was built for laser tag.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
