Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
