I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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