Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
