dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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