Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
