My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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