We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
