goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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