That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So many bounce houses so little time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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