ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
