Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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