She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
