I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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