Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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