Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
