On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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