Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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