Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
