lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize