I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
