Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
