I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
