I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
