he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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