i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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