dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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