my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
