your thong is hanging out like whoa
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
