Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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